i know it sounds silly, and maybe so silly it's unbelievable.  but i have realized that my life has changed since we made our move out to gig harbor.  we are only 20 minutes from the city, and our previous home where we brought our babies to, and the first decade of our married life was spent in those walls.  but something has changed in our hearts a little bit.  and now we are struggling to keep it this way.

this way of living life intentionally thru every day activites.  the way we are cutting back to recieve more.  the way we are saying no to our girls, in hopes that they will grow more of a imagination, and the skills that they have been blessed with can sharpen, and they will find confidence, a sense of self worth in them.

because i believe that for a long moment jay and i had lost sight of this.  i felt like we were in this race.  the race of parenthood, and we lost.  our girls don't do a lot of stuff.  like sports, or camps, shopping, tv, clubs, or lessons.  we do a few things every year with them, but not on a ongoing schedule.  and i believe because life happens, and i don't want these scheduled, paid for, commitment type of things to ruin...well...LIFE.  the everyday.  the little moments that make up our hours.

i have never understood why joy has to be doing something that you can win or lose at.  how shopping can make you look pretty so you feel good.  or if you have a lot of commitments you are somehow living really well, because you can afford all the lessons, the trips, the sports.  if you are busy then you are also successful.  i have completely failed, and lost sight of the most important thing that i wanted to give my girls.  i compare myself all the time, it's annoying, to other moms.  it's not fair to my girls, for me to not be present.  should i do more?  go faster?  join another club?  you got that outfit from where?  the trip was fabulous so we must go too.  too fast.  not important.  wasting my energy.

what i want to achieve is this: how can i show my girls that none of it matters?
and i had found the answer in a couple different thoughts.  but the one i want to focus on right now is marriage.  and this for me is huge.  so simple.  so innocent, and free.

the thing about marriage is also how i feel about life:  sometimes you have to make something out of nothing.  with creativity, patience, and complete respect, we can turn the stillness of a relationship to life.  we can turn the stillness of life to being content.  and what is so wrong with being still for a moment, or even a season?